Signs your relationship is not going well.

You either

1. gave, or
2. received

this tie as a Christmas gift.

Yeah, sure......

Here's the description from the sweater on the left:
"Three simple numbers add up to a flattering fit. "

Then why does the model look pregnant? Look at her in another sweater from the same issue.

Season's Greetings!

PRK and I are taking some much earned and much needed time away from our computers to actually interact with our relatives, get some sunshine (maybe), and take a break from the fugginess. Don't worry, we'll be back with freshly-knitted nastiness in January.

Newscasters are not immune to fug...

...apparently (and yes, I realize this is probably not handknit, but hey, it's Christmas.)

Sorry for the picture quality; it's hard to snap a pic of the tv.








Here's a closeup of the top.

Happy Hanukkah!

Just because you're Jewish doesn't mean you're safe from the tacky holiday sweater.

Christmas Sweater Contest

The Chicago Sun-Times ran an ugly Christmas sweater contest. Here's the winner. Althought it's not handknit, that is one truly amazing sweater. I couldn't help wondering how she'd get a coat on over it. The only thing that would make it better is if it lit up.

Happy Holidays!

What says "Christmas!" more than a pair of flamingoes?

Regarding trolls and anonymous bitchbabies.

Hey y'all,

Please don't feed the trolls. It only encourages them.

It boils down to this, folks, if you don't like our site, don't read it.

If you think we've jumped the shark? Awesome. You think we're unfunny hacks? Fabulous. You think we're bitter, blackhearted old biddies with boring lives? Well... that might hurt our feelings a bit, but ultimately, we don't care. We write this site to amuse ourselves and the fact that a few thousand of you out there in internetland are also amused? Icing on the cake. In fact, we're probably more entertained by our commenters than our commenters are by us.

But you few anonymous bitchbabies that come in and say nasty things about us simply for the sake of saying nasty things about us? Why? Oh, oh really? Going into someone's house and peeing on their living room rug and trying to convince their other guests that they should pee on the rug, too, makes you feel better about yourself? Wow, that's pretty sad. You should maybe tell that to your therapist.

I'm not going to stand here and say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," because if I did... we'd have to shut our website down. Nor am I saying that you have to agree with everything we write here. Go ahead, disagree. It makes for entertaining reading. But the anonymous personal attacks? Really. Grow the fuck up. We don't go to your blog and tell your readership that you're a complete fuckwit and we'd appreciate the same courtesy from you.

Peace out,

Punk Rock Knitter & KnittyKitty

Why the Good Lord created mirrors

Ok sweetie. The top is fine. Too much work for something you could pick up at Old Navy for $24.99, but nothing wrong with the design itself. The hat is reasonably cute. The legwarmers are cute too.

But in the name of the sweet baby Jesus, did you have to wear it all at the same time?

Ponchomania!

This pattern claims to be a poncho---but isn't part of the poncho that it lacks sleeves? So, I'd say this is more of a tent-sweater. Or a knitted muu-muu perhaps?

Either way, it was so hideous they couldn't talk a real live model into wearing it. And considering the crap we have on this site, that's saying a lot.

Help!

Does anyone live in or near to Barcelona, Spain who wants to help me make a Christmas miracle for my awesome husband??

If so, please email me at youknitwhat[at]gmail[dot]com.

Thanks!

UPDATE!

An extremely kind soul in BCN is helping me out. Thank you all for responding!

Lily Fug

I DON'T GET Lily Chin's ongoing success as a designer. Look at this typical, ill-conceived concoction. The cutouts seem to be there for no reason other than to show off your mad knitting skillz, because they 1. aren't flattering, and 2. force you to wear a strapless bra, which is not fun. Did she really think women want to show off a small portion of sexy sexy sternum?

Same with the segmentation along the bottom. Not flattering, not attractive. Kind of draws attention to the crotch. Maybe that was her goal.

Yet she remains the darling of Knitter's Magazine. Can anyone explain this to me?

Mary Poppins?

In a beekeeper outfit?

WTF with the ridge through the bodice? This just looks like way too much work for way too much ugly.

Fine. FINE.

After that last post, I'm starting to wonder about you guys. If I see anyone prancing around my town wearing a foofy, poorly fitting, precious-poet-blouse that she knitted up, I'm still going to hurl.

Anyhow, since that just wasn't enough fug to satisfy, here you go. I hope you're happy.

So very precious!

This is so fey it makes me nauseous. Even Robert Smith, at his most neo-romantic, would have drawn the line at this.

No, I'm not making this up.

Thanks to one of my Stitch-n-Bitch pals who turned me on to this bit o' weirdness. I can only assume that whoever named this yarn doesn't really understand English.

Along the same lines as the last post.....

Enough with the knitted bikinis, people! The good lord made spandex for a reason.

I also just love the quote on this one. Fug unfolds on the light of understanding too, people. This is just a little too pretentious to NOT make rampant fun of. And why is she wearing a shawl with a bikini? And what does the bikini connect to? (head exploding)

Ick, ick and a side of ick.

Alright, maybe the coverup is ok. MAYBE. Don't push it though.

That one piece on the left is just ricockulous. Have you ever seen knitwear hit water? Does the word "sag" mean anything to the designer of this???

Whores who Knit, Vol. 214

Just in time for the company holiday party!

New Rules!

Sorry to be a Scrooge, dear readers, but can we please come to an agreement to only use the verification randomness in comments when it is truly special? Like if it comes up saying "crapshit" or something like that?

Did I post this yet?

I can't remember if we ever included a link to this oddity. It's not an actual pattern (although it would truly be a kickass pattern). It just boggles my mind every time I see it so I felt like including it here. Yes, I'm feeling a little capricious lately---blame it on the snow.

Yes, that's Wil Wheaton. I know.

The Cos!

It's the classic 80's Cosby Sweater! But for chicks---don't you see the midriff exposure? And the hideous edge detail? Wait...getting a migraine....I need to go lie down.

Knitty, unfugged

I know, I'm deviating from the norm here, but this pattern is just so damn cute I can't help myself.

We've dragged a lot of Knitty patterns through our mud here, because, well, they sucked. However, the current issue has some cool stuff....most notably, this cool cat here.

Back to the usual fug tomorrow.

I hate you so much.

It wasn't enough that you had to make me this fucked up, ugly sweater. No, you had to take a picture of me in it and put in on the internet. Thinking other people would actually want to BUY IT.

You should be glad you declawed me. Better sleep with the door closed.

So many Christmas gifts to make.....so little time....and why did I have to make them with all these different colors? Now I have all these loose ends to weave in.

Ah, fuck it. No one will notice.

Tonight we're going to party like it's.....1983?

Did you hear that popping sound?

It was my retinas, detaching themselves and plunging to their deaths.

Mippity-map.

Some of you astute types have seen that little Frappr! link over there in the sidebar, and good on ya, mates. Click it and get yerself mapped.

Me? Where am I on the map? Well, that's a good question. Right now I'm at home in my fortified compound surrounded by sheep, llamas and alpacas, but tomorrow? I'll be in Spain.

Hasta luego, mis amigos. Take care of Ms. Knittykitty while I'm away, won't you?

Want to scar a kid for life?

Remember those printed fake-tuxedo t-shirts of the late 70's? Those anti-establishment statements? That quickly got as annoying as a piano-key scarf?

Now apparently, you can knit one for your young, innocent son. Just don't bill me for the therapy appointments.

Gothknits

Sweet Marilyn Manson, what the hell is this???

I can't decide....is this a sad attempt at Goth (the kind that would make Anne Rice puke)? A cold-war era Communist Bloc clown? Or perhaps a mime? All in all, quite a look.

Whores who Knit, Vol. 157

I have wanted to post this astounding error in judgement for months....and finally have a scanner! O happy day!

Let's all be grateful she's wearing underwear.

To borrow from the legendary Patsy Stone, knit these pants and the world's your gynecologist.

A momentary lapse of fug

I know, we usually feature bad knits here. But I just like these so much I wanted to put them on the site. And I love Mr. Rogers.

Stitches Midwest, Part 2

I made a conscious decision not to prey on the attendees at Stitches. That is too easy and too cruel, even for me. Vendors, however, should expect open season.

Although this website features handknitting patterns gone awry, Stitches featured some real beauties for the machine knitter.

Check out the green sweater. Do you see the cat? Huh? Clever! (Either that cat is really big or the squirrel is the size of a cat's eyeball.)

And the peacock sweater vest. All I can say is, why. WHY???

ETA: And enough crapping on the Midwest. Stitches has the same nasty patterns all over the country.

Hi everyone! I'm back!

Much love and thanks to my beloved partner in fug, PRK, for keeping this mess we call a blog rolling for the past month when I have been without high speed internet. Mwah! You rock!

On to the horrors.

This beauty is from Stitches Midwest. I know, took a long time to post it....so much fug, so little time. No, you're not imagining things. Yes, it is a jean jacket with the sleeves removed and new, kicky sleeves knitted on.

I suppose if you're going for that female-Chewbacca-heading-out-to-work-on-her-motorcycle look, this is for you.

As my friend who attended Stitches with me put it, do women really want something that makes their arms look big?

Did any of you ever watch Trading Spaces? You know how Gen would design a room based on like, a piece of gaudy costume jewlery she'd found at a flea market?

This is the sweater she'd design after looking at a box of powdered donuts.