You Knit What??

So long, little fuglings.

2006-08-03T14:59:00.000-05:00

As many of you may have guessed, PRK and I have decided to hang up our snark and go back to the outside world.

While we have had a lot of fun with this site, we also have a lot of other committments on our time and something had to go. When something meant to be fun starts to turn into a chore, it's time to call it quits.

We will miss all (well, most) of you and your comments. For everything I posted, there were always at least a couple of comments that were way funnier than anything I could have come up with.

We will leave the site up, so feel free to peruse the archives and if any of you want to take up the fugknit cause, put your web address in the comments for this posting.

So long, and may none of your knitting be worthy of this site.

Love and Kisses,

Knittykitty

P.S. To anyone who wants to start a similar blog, go to www.blogger.com. Even a technologically impaired individual like myself can do it.

Aww, you guys....

2006-07-30T11:22:00.000-05:00

You're so sweet. Thanks for all the nice comments.

Sorry about the few postings lately. Over here at the Fugknit Palace we're just trying not to melt or kill someone in this heat. Even looking at knitted stuff just seems too hot.

Thanks to knitteen for sending in this little beauty.

Sorry folks.

2006-07-20T23:44:00.000-05:00

We had a little difficulty downloading to blogger, so sorry for the delay.

But doesn't this suck???

Really, doesn't this say "I have size 35 needles and I'm not afraid to use them!!!"

Eesh. I'm too tired to come up with anything else. Have at it. Ick.

If vomit was yarn...or yarn was vomit

2006-07-16T22:19:00.000-05:00

Ok, the shape is acceptable. I personally am a little over the flyaway cardigan but it's not awful.

However:

1. The yarn is just nasty. It already looks like an old rag and the colors add up to bile.

2. It looks like it itches. Why doesn't she have a shirt under it?

3. Why doesn't the model have a navel? Does she come from the Planet of Models With Really Long Torsos, where reproduction is done via mitosis? That is just creepy looking.

Huh?

2006-07-13T07:52:00.000-05:00

I was so busy trying to figure out what the hell is going on in this picture that I couldn't tell what the knitted objects are supposed to be.

The afghan? Socks? Weird drapey Flashdance-esque thing? I have no idea.

Ok everyone, repeat after me:

2006-07-11T08:59:00.000-05:00

Horizontal stripes are not flattering.

Horizontal stripes are not flattering.

Especially when they are only around your middle and obliterate any notion of a bustline or waist.

Ways to shill your crappy yarn, part 1 million

2006-07-07T22:26:00.000-05:00

Yes, that horrid sweater DOES look like the godseye you made at Girl Scout Camp. Here it is.

Stop! In the name of fug.

2006-07-06T23:57:00.000-05:00

Boxy unflattering sweater over leggings. I guess the 80s really are back. And not in a good way.

BTW, has anyone seen the guy from Flock of Seagulls lately? So very very sad.

ETA: I put in the FoS reference due to the crappy show last summer that had old acts perform in competition.....anyone remember the name? Anyhoo, the guy from FoS is SO NOT COOL anymore. And he was for about 30 seconds.....anyone remember?

A double whammy.

2006-07-05T20:45:00.000-05:00

It's Koigu abuse.....and child abuse to put a poor kid in an outfit this heinous.

OMG!

2006-07-03T09:30:00.000-05:00

OMG!OMG! I have an innie, too!

Hey, eveyone, look!

2006-07-01T10:21:00.000-05:00

I have an innie!

How the hell am I supposed to follow that???

2006-06-29T17:48:00.000-05:00

If your expectation of us as blogmistresses is that we top every previous posting, we would have to shut down the site after that last one. (*shuddering at memory*)

Sad thing is that it almost makes this rainbow head-to-toe mess look acceptable. And it clearly is not. Unless you live in the mountains in a geodesic dome, milk your own goats and make your own granola, in which case it may work.

ETA: See what I was saying?? So many of you have been lulled into the welcoming arms of the fug by the horrors that preceeded this posting. You must resist. Awaken and shake off the knitted koigu fugginess.

Ooh!

2006-06-27T10:41:00.000-05:00

Let's not ask how, let's all just thank our lucky stars that I've managed to obtain a publicity still from the new p0rno"Joseph's Amazing Technicolor Crack Whore."

Right

2006-06-27T02:19:00.000-05:00

Attention, ladies and gentlemen.

THESE ARE MY BREASTS. -ahem-

Carry on.

It's not the sweater.

2006-06-25T23:48:00.000-05:00

Ok, it's boring. Looks like you could get it at the Gap for $39.99. Nothing too heinous.

I just had to post it because she is posing next to not one but TWO KFC boxes. And that completely made me lose it.

That's why I love the Europeans. You'd never see this shit in an American magazine. (without sufficient compensation for the product placement, that is)

Can someone please explain this?

2006-06-23T07:15:00.000-05:00

The woman on the left looks like one of those we have featured here before---too many knitted accessories at once, poor art direction, yadda yadda.

What intrigued me was the woman on the right. What the heck is that around her waist? And neck? Is it a knitted neck-brace cozy? And possibly a cozy for one of those back support belts you see guys wearing at Home Depot?

It's too early in the morning for this.

More Maggi.

2006-06-21T08:26:00.000-05:00

The name of this design is "Lough Tay." Of course, my eyes immediately thought "Tough Lay."

I love Maggi for the same reason I find myself watching the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency: they both bring the crazy.

Wow. Again.

2006-06-20T16:32:00.000-05:00

I just love Maggi. Every time I think she's done all she can, she comes up with something even more absurd.

While I find her designs to be.....many things, including completely ridiculous and unwearable, I have to admire her spunk. I'm left to assume that she could not care less about whether anyone ever wears or makes anything she designs, EVER. And I have to admire her for that.

Hey, everyone, look!

2006-06-19T21:55:00.000-05:00

I have boobs!

No, really! Look! I knitted the outline into this kicky camisole!

And in case you were wondering, I apparently have gills, too.

Nice try.

2006-06-18T18:14:00.000-05:00

I think the yarn company in question figured that if they put this ridiculous item on a cute model, it might sell.

Look at it. It must have been knitted on size 107's and the fringe is insanely long. Actually, it's more of a knitted collar with superfringe.

Don't get me started on the horrific colorway. Eesh.

Here's some irony for you, Alanis.

2006-06-16T11:22:00.001-05:00

That stupid "ironic" song always pissed me off. And, I would suspect, legions of English teachers over the past ten years.

Back on topic: the name of this pattern is....wait for it...."Tank of Many Colors."

WTF?????

Is it just me?

2006-06-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

Or does this purse have a really big ass?

Homemade? No, really, I couldn't tell!

2006-06-12T19:51:00.000-05:00

This is one cruel joke being played by whoever designed this sweater.

Asymmetry is one thing. (Although I had enough of it in the 80s....yes, you should have seen my hair. Not pretty.) Creating a sweater that looks like it is buttoned incorrectly and the shaping is all fucked up is something else entirely.

A little Friday fun.

2006-06-09T17:29:00.000-05:00

This picture is from the fine folks over at the amazingly irony-free www.cuteoverload.com.

Yes it's crocheted, but it still falls in the "huh?" category. Some on their site thought it was photoshopped, which is possible I suppose, but if you look closely it really does look like the squirrel is in a sweater.

I wonder if the pattern is available?

Tired of getting hit on?

2006-06-08T21:31:00.000-05:00

Even the hottest chick won't get any action in this little getup.

Hmmmm.....

2006-06-08T08:07:00.000-05:00

Maybe if you need leg warmers, arm warmers, and a hat, you should just be wearing a damn sweater.

Once again, the art directors of the yarn companies show their cluelessness. These 3 together look plain silly.

Oh, the controversy!

2006-06-05T21:40:00.000-05:00

Wow, who'da thought that a pretty mild-mannered post about some shorts would cause an aneurism.

Here's something we can all agree on. This is pretty damn cute. And I personally love the Dr. Seuss reference.

Back to your usual fug shortly.

Hee......

2006-05-31T22:53:00.000-05:00

This picture....I don't know, I just can't imagine any guy, sexual orientation aside, who would wear this item.

KNITTED SHORTS. The loyal readers know how I feel about knitted skirts, and I doubt these are any better. (Anyone remember the Homespun pants?) I'm sure they looked baggy about 5 seconds after taking this photo.

ETA: Yes, the model in question has a lovely butt. That's not the point. But it probably did help sell some yarn. Damn you, Lion Brand!!!

When I saw this sweater.....

2006-05-30T08:33:00.000-05:00

...all I could think it that it needs a circumcision.

P.S. The name of the sweater is "Cuddle." I am speechless with possibilities.

Completely pointless knitting, Vol. 219

2006-05-26T17:44:00.000-05:00

Thanks to eagle-eyed poster Jane who sent this one in.

I hope the good people at Rowan put down the crack pipe and stop trying to be "young," "hip" (BTW, does anyone outside of the knitting community even use that word anymore?), "urban" or what the fuck ever they are trying to pull off these days. Hey Rowan-stick to what you're good at: Classic designs and quality yarn. A doily wrapped around your waist is not a skirt.

This just upsets me.

2006-05-25T22:10:00.000-05:00

It is just too damn cutesy-cutesy, hey-look-I-knit-a whole-outfit-ey. And I really hate the colors and stupid ruffle on the skirt.

Am I just getting too old and crusty? I'll let you judge.

Don't make me call the ASPCA.

2006-05-24T21:57:00.000-05:00

I'll admit, I am one of those people who enjoys pets in clothing.

However, if you're going to go to the trouble to knit your pup a sweater, could you at least pick a color that's not hideous, and leave out the fun fur? Trixie clearly has enough fur on her own.

Thank you.

Ways to Shill Your Crappy Yarn, Part 572

2006-05-23T17:53:00.000-05:00

Not selling enough yarn? Try tying pieces to the front of an otherwise inoffensive sweater!

I'm not sure what look they were going for here. Hairy chest? Fringed bib? I'm at a loss.

Ugh. No more peeps.

2006-05-19T16:30:00.000-05:00

The google listing for this magazine describes it as: "Knitting magazine targeting hip 18-35 year-old knitters."

Thank God I'm 37.

Riiiight.

2006-05-18T21:59:00.000-05:00

So this is what happens when you let your kindergartener design the colorscheme for your next knitting project.

Mmm, yummy

2006-05-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

High waistband and a camel toe.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.

I guess I'm working a theme here.

2006-05-16T20:58:00.000-05:00

Once again with the Right Way vs. Wrong Way. Guess which one this is.

ETA: No, this thing is not like the velveteen rabbit. It just goes straight to hell.

Hey, Hedgehogs!

2006-05-14T00:40:00.000-05:00

The British seem to have a huge fascination/affection for the hedgehog that is not shared by us Yanks. However, these patterns are pretty damn funny.

There's a right way....and a wrong way.

2006-05-11T22:18:00.000-05:00

As you can see, the garment on the left( or top depending on your server) ....nicely done, fits well, looks actually glamorous, which is quite an accomplishment for a handknitted garment. (Courtesy of Wendy at www.knitandtonic.typepad.com, design from www.Glampyre.com --check them both out, they rock.)

The design on the right (bottom)? Clearly sucks. Looks like a shawl folded in half with a neckhole half-heartedly shoved into the center.

Bonus question: Which pattern came from an international fiber house? Which from a small, independent knitter who has a full-time job doing something completely non-knitting?

ETA: Y'all, while I love you like family, I really did NOT put Wendy's picture up here to put her up for nasty scrutiny. In my own naive way, I really thought she did a spectacular job with this sweater and wears it fantastically. So please, lay off her bra and whatever else because she is truly awesome, as you would see if you go to her site. Please.

YKW's Laws of Knitting

2006-05-11T21:32:00.000-05:00

Knitted crap, once felted, remains crap.

Can't Let It Go.

2006-05-09T11:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, that horse? It had such potential. It could have been fabulous, same color scheme and fantasy-esque-ness, like a painted pony, but... ok, you know in elementary school when everyone was into horses and you really weren't but to kind of try to fit in you tried drawing a horse on one of your folders and it turned out all lumpy and misshapen and it kind of looked like a cross between a hippopotamous and a brontosaurus and you threw that folder away and told your mom you needed another one because when you were digging through your backpack this morning because you wanted to show your friend this new book you were reading and you pulled the folder out because it was in the way and then you dropped it in a puddle and it melted? It looks like whoever designed that horse thing used that drawing as inspiration. And that's my problem with the horse.

Scary... and not in a good way.

2006-05-06T11:54:00.000-05:00

Ok, knitted toys? Can be ridiculously cool.

This, for example, and almost everything else that Alan Dart has designed. (Sadly, my scanner is down at the moment or I'd post a picture of his most fabulous Muffin the Mule pattern that was in January's Simply Knitting(UK))

But this? This... this is the sort of thing that if it were mine as a kid? I'd never get any sleep because I'd be terrified that the thing was going to come alive in the middle of the night and eat my face off.

Magnum!

2006-05-05T13:53:00.000-05:00

The awesome chick that suggested this sweater had it right on. This is totally out of the Zoolander School of Male Modelling.

RIP Grape Ape

2006-05-02T12:28:00.000-05:00

We hardly knew ye.

I love this shit.

2006-04-28T21:16:00.000-05:00

What more can I say?

Knitted squid hats+cats=cute.

Photo courtesy of the fine folks at www.sushiesque.com/adorablog/

Visit them and their precious sister-site www.cuteoverload.com when you need a completely irony-free dose of the adorabilitude.

P.S. No, this was not from stuffonmycat.com, another awesome site, but really should have been.

Ok, so I ran out of yarn.

2006-04-26T23:18:00.000-05:00

But I used that kicky ribbon to finish it off!

Mrs. Roper Lives.

2006-04-26T06:35:00.000-05:00

Now even those who are uninterested in actual shaping can make an ugly poncho. Just knit up a shawl, cut a hole in the middle and stick your head through. Voila!

Can you imagine how annoying this would be to wear in a heavy wind?

It's Our Birthday!!!

2006-04-20T22:44:00.000-05:00

Thank you, dear readers! You helped us to our 1st anniversary of knitted fugliness!

We wished that our services would be unnecessary after a year and we could retire. But no, the nastiness continues unabated.

As evidenced by this. Apparently, you can knit together any old piece of crap and call it a poncho! As long as you're too lazy to attempt sleeves.

Have a piece of bundt cake on us!

-KnittyKitty

--------

with massive apologies to The Beatles

Dunna dunna DUNNA
We say it's our birthday

Dunna dunna DUNNA
We're gonna find the fugly

Dunna dunna DUNNA
We say it's our birthday

Dunna dunna DUNNA
We're gonna bring the snark, yeah

Dunna dunna DUNNA
We say it's our birthday

Dunna dunna DUNNA
We bring the fugly to you!

Holy crap! It's been a year!!! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting and suggesting and everything! You guys rock!

kisses,
Punk Rock Knitter

p.s. Yes, that is a hat*. No, it's not really that ugly, and I didn't put it up because I thought it was. Yes, I like it, but as I've mentioned before I like wierd hats. I just wanted to post something that looked like cake.

*It would be awesome as a pj-stasher thing. Just bigger than it is now... unless you wear teeny tiny pjs.

Maggi Strikes Again!

2006-04-20T20:23:00.000-05:00

Poor fit? Check!

Weird ridge under the bust? Check!

Lumpy, home-made (and NOT in the good way) look? Check!

It's a knitting trifecta!

One wrong move and you're topless, Part 2.

2006-04-18T18:59:00.000-05:00

Like the bouncy creation below, if this model moves at all, especially anything involving reaching up, her boobs are totally falling out.

I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who would see this as an excellent reason to encourage the knitting of this garment. Or possibly nursing moms who would appreciate the easy access. But for those of us who prefer to keep the girls inside, don't attempt it. Even with double-sided tape.

Ah, Berroco, you never disappoint.

2006-04-17T17:01:00.000-05:00

Just what we were all clamoring for: More knitting projects that double as cat toys! Thanks, Berroco!

When The Children of the Corn Grow Up

2006-04-14T11:10:00.000-05:00

Either that or "When Jell-o Salads Attack."

And Now For Something Completely Different

2006-04-11T09:05:00.000-05:00

Swatching is for sissies.

2006-04-10T21:19:00.000-05:00

Yet another reason why gauge swatches are important.

Don't even get me started on the macrame belt.

Do you suppose the fold on the front is intentional? *shudders*

How to mess up an otherwise ok garment, Part 485

2006-04-09T18:07:00.000-05:00

The tank top on its own.....not anything I'd wear but nothing I'd mock.

Then the designer threw those half-assed loops on the bottom. That look like they were attached by a drunken monkey. Just wrong.

Completely useless.

2006-04-07T18:50:00.000-05:00

The sweater itself is just boring. And too short for most of us to carry off without embarassment.

But the fringe? WTF?????? Do you have to twirl around like a Pretty Princess to make that not look totally stupid?

Hey everyone, remind you of anything???

2006-04-02T21:44:00.000-05:00

I am very disappointed in the editors/art directors of Vogue Knitting because:

1. Didn't they see the Rowan editors go nuts over this look? And look totally foolish in the process? They completely look like they are copying Rowan's style, except Rowan's Tribal layout was HILARIOUS. And,

2. The African-American model is only pictured in this set. Now, I am only going by their website (as the magazine is not on my newsstand yet). This seems a bit.....well, you can fill in the blanks here.

ETA: Not to mention, it's freaking ugly.

And....holy mother of pearl, that's not a belt. Oh my.

The 70s afghan strikes back!

2006-03-31T20:00:00.000-06:00

I could be wrong, but I think that had Andie Walsh ended up with Iona's grandmother's sampler afghan instead of that pink party frock, that this is what would have happened.

Keep looking.

2006-03-28T23:57:00.000-06:00

Maybe, compared with the over-the-top fug we normally show this may look almost, well, normal.

But look further. Fringe bottom. Thick arms...with horizontal striping. This is not acceptable.

Cows, anyone?

2006-03-28T23:55:00.000-06:00

Bovine love! In the form of a furry twinset!

One more before Spring.

2006-03-24T20:06:00.000-06:00

One more, "I want to look like a bear, hence I will knit this godawful fun-fur sweater" creation. Let's all hold hands and hope the designers come to their senses before Fall.

Wow.

2006-03-23T22:12:00.000-06:00

I must admit, I am surprised by how forgiving you all have been toward the travesty pictured below. So here, consider the gauntlet thrown! Ha ha ha, I DARE you to like this!

For some reason I'm reminded of Katie Holmes. Not sure why.........

Oh for the love of Cindy Lou Who.

2006-03-23T18:41:00.000-06:00

Between the ruffles, horizontal striping, and cutoff length, this sweater should not be attempted by anyone either:

1. over 25 or
2. over 100 lbs.

Which disqualifies about 99.99999995% of the knitters out there. Good job knowing your customer!

Besides, even if I was that skinny/young, I wouldn't wear this. Way too Seussy-cutesy.

Happy Spring, Everyone!

2006-03-22T18:56:00.000-06:00

I'm glad it's technically Spring, even though it doesn't feel much like it yet (here at least).

It's been a long, hard Winter of knitted hell, like the shining example to the left. Who thought that would be appropriate on an ADULT??? Who is not a hobbit??? And WTF with the giant needles?

Arrrr!!!

2006-03-21T17:01:00.000-06:00

Once again, can't upload photos on Blogger.

Don't worry, dear readers, we haven't forgotten you! We'll be back soon with more horrors, we promise.

Dammit!!!

2006-03-17T20:24:00.000-06:00

I hate it when that happens!

Next time, I'll make sure to buy enough yarn to finish my project.

S'suckiful.

2006-03-16T15:46:00.000-06:00

By popular demand, here it is.

What's that noise? Oh, must be the sound of George and Ira Gershwin turning over in their graves. And Ella Fitzgerald vomiting.

And somewhere Bjork saying "oh, that is so DONE."

Worst. Felted. Bag. Ever.

2006-03-16T07:24:00.000-06:00

One of our amazing commenters mentioned this bag in a recent post and I just had to include it on the site. Truly, it leaves me speechless.

Ok everyone, insert joke here:

Lazy!

2006-03-15T08:28:00.000-06:00

Sometimes knitting an entire cardigan is just too much work.

Technical difficulties

2006-03-14T13:54:00.000-06:00

Tried to upload a picture
Connection keeps timing out
I've tried and tried and tried and tried
It makes me scream and shout

I've got the blues
The Can't-Upload-a-Picture blues
So let's pretend there's somthing ugly
And talk amongst yerselllllllllllves.

Thank you. I'll be here all week. Tip your waitresses.

Hippy!

2006-03-13T11:17:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I don't know about y'all, but when I look for a sweater pattern, I always look for one that will accentuate my hips.

And if it makes my hips look as if they're hiding beneath a pile of autumn leaves? Even better.

Mmm, tripey goodness!

2006-03-10T14:20:00.000-06:00

Because every girl needs a purse that looks like the lining of a stomach.

Yeah, I know Lion Brand just came out with that knitted uterus thing and all, but this anatomically correct knitting thing has got to stop.

Just what every girl needs

2006-03-09T10:52:00.000-06:00

Her very own knitted hoochie mama Pocahontas costume!

Or should that be Poca-whore-ass?

Or Princess Runs With Scissors?

Gauge people, gauge!

2006-03-07T19:06:00.000-06:00

Either that hat is huge, or the model is tiny. And not skinny-tiny, like woman-in-a-3-year-old's-body-tiny.

But I guess we can see it's cold in there. (Doesn't anyone wear a bra anymore?)

Everyday inspiration

2006-03-06T15:07:00.000-06:00

You know, I'm all for finding inspiration in everyday objects, but adding a ribbon to a contoured bathroom rug is just wrong.

I hope, for the model's sake, that they at least bought a new rug and didn't just grab one out of the designer's bathroom.

Tonight we're gonna party like it's....1990?

2006-03-05T19:46:00.000-06:00

For some reason, this picture reminds me of "Gypsy Woman" by Crystal Waters. Any of you out there old enough to remember this one? (La da di, la di da......)

"The winds are blowing every morning
just to do your hair nowcause she cares you all
her day oh wouldn't be right
without her make up
she's never had a make up
she's just like you and me
but she's homeless, she's homeless
as she stands there singing for money.In my sleep I see her begging
reaching police
although her body is not mine
I ask now I do (now I do)she's just like you and me
but she's homeless, she's homeless
as she stands there singing for money."

And please, don't hate on me for thinking she looks homeless because the model is African-American. The same model looks quite lovely in some other designs in this issue of Vogue Knitting. However, this combo, no matter the ethnicity of the model, would make ANYONE look homeless. It's just that bad. (Why is she only wearing one glove? And if it's cold enough for a sweater and hat, why nothing on her legs???)

And.....bonus points if you remember the "In Living Color" parody of this video.

Pepe Le Seahorse

2006-03-03T23:10:00.000-06:00

"Hello ma petite. You stand there, looking disinterested.....but yet I know you cannot escape my charms.......You have heard that it is the male seahorse who bears the children, no? Let us run away to zee casbah, where you, me and my long, flowing mane will make zee beauuutiful muzeek together."

Erm, riiiiight.

2006-03-03T13:56:00.000-06:00

It may be only half furry, but I assure you, it is all fugly.

Whoever you are, I bow to you.

2006-03-02T19:25:00.000-06:00

This was on www.stuffonmycat.com. A site worth visiting, even if you aren't a catfreak like me.

All I can say is, damn. I am equally impressed by the facts that

1. it fits! Far better than most of the things on this site. And,

2. the creator of said ensemble actually got it onto their cat and managed to take a picture.

Well done.

A case of the wrong color for the pattern

2006-03-01T17:42:00.000-06:00

Don't get me wrong. I love red. And the scarf itself isn't that bad, although it's not anything I'd wear.

However, knit it up in red and suddenly the model's been mortally wounded and those bobbles are blood clots.

Eeew.

How did I miss this????

2006-02-28T17:54:00.000-06:00

Granted, sometimes I have to actually go to work to earn the kitty-kibble, so I don't always have time to scour the knitting world the way I should.....but how the heck did both PRK and I manage to miss this?

Yeah, I know Christmas isn't for another ten months but I just couldn't wait.

Anyone out there want to guess what the guy is thinking? Or the dog for that matter?

It's fug for the whole family!

2006-02-27T18:44:00.000-06:00

This picture has me confused for so many reasons.

Why are they wearing their hats, scarves and gloves indoors? Without coats? Did Dad lose his job as a children's party magician, and now their heat is turned off?

Why the knitted tie?

And why the oversized novelty cards?

My head hurts.

ETA: ok, fine, I realize there are no gloves. But at first glance I thought the boy had knitted mittens on an idiot cord.....but it's Dad's socks. And, BTW, I can post whatever I want...no matter how old. It's my blog, hahahahahaha!!!!!

Ways to shill your crappy yarn, Part 142

2006-02-25T15:18:00.000-06:00

I know!! Let's make lamps!

I'm envisioning a clear base.....stuffed with tacky, brightly-colored yarn! And using the same shredded-looking yarn on the shade! How kicky!

I think these crafters sniffed their glue guns a little too closely when coming up with these beauties. And yes, this was published by a yarn company, right next to their knitting patterns.

FYI

2006-02-24T23:47:00.000-06:00

Disagree with our choices all you like.

However, comments that exist merely to call us "obese sheeps(sic) from the midwest" will be immediately deleted. If that makes us fascists, then so be it.

Arrrrrgh!

2006-02-23T21:32:00.000-06:00

Avast me hearties!

Yargh!

Yo ho ho and 89 dollars worth of fun fur!

That'll give ye scurvy!

Yargh!

Makes me want an eyepatch... for both eyes!

Yargh!

Oh, excuse me, it's Tiffany, not Fun Fur. To which I reply, "What's in a name? That which we call fug by any other word would suck as much ass."

I have no good description for this.

2006-02-22T21:59:00.000-06:00

Can someone please explain this "garment"?

Not flattering.

Doesn't look fun to knit.

And what about the cutout elbows and shoulders? Wha?????

Did she wash up to shore tangled in a fishing net? That is the only rational explanation for this.......thing.

This is just stupid, Part 2.

2006-02-21T18:03:00.000-06:00

Hey, no one will notice how dull and poorly fitted this hat is if we cover it with mismatched buttons! Buttons make everything better.

If the model moves even slightly, or a 5 mph wind blows, you know that thing is flying off. Which, come to think of it, is probably for the best.

Do we really have to do this again?

2006-02-20T22:22:00.000-06:00

Anyone who wants a pattern we post......please see our FAQ section. Merci.

Oh, fuckety-fuck.

2006-02-18T00:08:00.000-06:00

Pantaloons. PANTALOONS, people!!!

Eeeuw.

You know how we feel about knitted skirts. Knitted Pantaloons??? So very very very VERY wrong. Ick. I need a shower,

Boobs!

2006-02-18T00:05:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! Look! I have boobs! I put a lovely leaf pattern across them, just in case you didn't notice!

Monkey!

2006-02-17T21:31:00.000-06:00

Ape arms, take 762.

WTF??!!

Surprise!

2006-02-15T22:25:00.000-06:00

It's not Rowan!

But it's ugly as hell.

(And lady, let's keep both hands where we can see them, ok?)

Ok, I know......

2006-02-15T22:20:00.000-06:00

...this has absolutely nothing to do with knitting. But I wasn't feeling very inspired today and it made me laugh. Sometimes that's enough.

And no, I have no idea where this originated so I can't give proper credit. But to whoever created this, I salute you.

Wha...?

2006-02-14T20:53:00.000-06:00

Yes, the good folks at (fill in the name of our favorite yarn manufacturer....no, not Lion Brand, the other one) are looking for ways to shill their overpriced ribbon yarn.

Hey, I know! Let's take some yarn, attach it via knots to a ring, and call it a belt!

Fucking brilliant.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-13T22:44:00.000-06:00

Look into my eyes. My creepy red eyes. Be hypnotized by the multicolored afghan. And buy lots of Berroco yarn. Lots and lots of Berroco yarn.

what?

2006-02-13T15:45:00.000-06:00

This may just be my most favorite fug ever. It's got a cape.

It's got a cape BUILT INTO THE SLEEVES OF THE SWEATER, PEOPLE.

A cape. I know you can't hear it, but I'm laughing hysterically right now. Still. I've been laughing since this -snerk- cape sweater was presented to me.

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE.

I'm laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my cheeks. Seriously.

I wonder if the model ran around the set, arms outstretched making 'zoom, zoom' airplane noises?

I know, I know. I'm supposed to be cynical and bitter and sarcastic. I can't help it. This is like, the funniest sweater I've ever seen.

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

Cape.

Puzzle time!

2006-02-12T00:30:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! Guess what the knitted item is!

I don't know about you...

2006-02-11T13:55:00.000-06:00

...but when I think sexy, I think fuschia fun fur.

-gag-

It's not knitted but it still sucks.

2006-02-09T19:50:00.000-06:00

What the hell is this? A rainbow with pubes? I think I'm going to throw up.

Teeny Tiny Fugginess

2006-02-08T19:36:00.000-06:00

Ok everyone, sorry about the size on this one.

The size of the picture in this case in inversely proportional to the fug contained within.

Squint closer......yes, that is a ginormous fun fur shrug that make her arms look YOOGE, paired with a charming tube top with attached (?) top...section?

I just don't get it.

(And yes, my tech skills are limited. Whatever.)